Ok, it has been 3 months since my last post
I have been writing since then but due to lazyness didn't post
Now, I am just scared that someone will steal them and make them their own when they are not
They are mine and no one elses
I have great deal of songs stored
There are some really good ones
I learned a lot and experimented a lot and it has been really productive 3 months
Now, I'm not sure if I will post them or just keep them stored and wait for a better feeling of the world
I have been thinking for a good while now, to start already making music for them
I will try to pick one with and see where it goes... IF it goes anywhere
That would be a really good start
Well, one thing is for sure: I will never stop writing
Soon, there will be a year anniversity since I started writing constantly, meaning more or less song a week
I have wrote before but not so intense like this
One year... I can feel major progress in it since I started and I'm really glad for tips from a fried
Ya, so that's it...
See ya     (maybe)

Iz daleke dine, negdje u ovoj pustinji,

dolazi glas do mene.

 

Sve cesce pjescane oluje mi samo miluju obraze,

nista me nemoze smesti ili izbaciti iz utvrde.

 

Dan, pa noc,

pa mjesec,

pa stoljece,

vrijeme se kovitla u neprestanom ponavljanju.

 

Covijek prode koju godinu,

koju godinu umre na pragu.

 

Stvari koje ostavise sacuvane su

u vlastitom muzeju negdje u dubini.

 

Pokoje sustanje, pokoji guster, pauk, zmija

ali tisina mi najteze pada.

 

Bilo je jednom drvo stajalo pod prozorom,

sada je samo pjesak i pokoje tamno zrnce.

 

Niti vrijeme, niti zivoti... nista me ne dotice...

absolutno nistavilo.

 

Zrcalo stoji samo u sobi i ogledava se.

Ja, ispred njega.

 

Samo nistavilo,

sve prepoznaje a nista nevidi.

 

I nema me...

A zasto?

Jer sam ja zrcalo

Kako je ljepo imati bar jednu ruku kraj sebe.

Kako je ljepo imati jednu ruku na svojoj strani

Koja mi neda da pobjegnem u suton svoje unutarnje borbe.

 

Zaliti i biti zaljen,

borbe se bore i odvijaju vjecno,

nedopustaju ti da stanes.

 

A ako stanes, sve se rusi.

 

Stoga, bori se i zasluzi s pravom bolju i najmiliju buducnost.

Bori se za sebe i jos vise za svoje drage,

sto ti daju utjehu i razumjevanje i pravo rame za plakanje.

 

Jer oni su tvoji suborci,

jer oni te odrzavaju na zivotu

isto kao sto i ti njih.

 

Vrijeme prolazi,

vrijeme prolazi a ti jos uvijek muku mucis

sa jednim te istim problemom.

 

Tu sam, zbilja sam tu,

ali kako mislis da napredujemo

a ti si jos uvijek bez svoje najpozeljnije stvari?

 

Zelis mi sretan put i smjesis mi se,

no zasto onda ni ti ne pocnes pobjedivat vlastitu bitku?

Zasto ni ti nebi bila ovdje s nama i zestoki suborac postala?

 

Zar je tako tesko odreci se stvari

u svrsi za bolje vrijeme uz najdrazu stvar u buducnosti?

 

Dodi, zelim te u potpunosti kraj sebe.

Na kraju vremena,

uz najbolje prijatelje,

ja u dusi ostajem sama.

 

Bez obzira na brigu,

u dusi sam sama.

 

Godine u nasem druzenju,

prosle su kao beznade u nedovrsenom svijetu.

 

I ja postajem nista,

i ja postajem nistavilo sto obljestava moje najdraze.

 

I jedina misao mi je:

dali cu im nedostajati?

Jer nitko nije sposoban ljeciti bas svaku ranu,

a bas ta bi mogla biti kobna.

 

U zelja noci sam provela,

u nadanjima sam kroz dan koracila,

u istinskoj sreci druzila se sa buducnoscu.

 

Koraci, rijeci, plac i jedan prokleti tjedan mogu

totalno unistiti dusu jednog covjeka punog zelja.

 

Ti i ja vapimo za istim snom,

ti i ja smo zauvjek tamo

u nasim mislima

i na nebu

i u proslom zivotu jer,

 osjecam te tu negdje

 u blizini vlastite duse jer,

mi smo stvoreni za nesto veliko jer,

kako-tako i bez obzira na posljedice,

mi smo stvoreni da posaljemo ljudima jasnu poruku.

 

A ja,

a ja se rusim u vlastitom tijelu.

When you feel stupid,

when you have a bad day,

when you think you are worth nothing,

who is there to comfort you?

Who is there to make you feel worth

something and someone’s attention?

Who is able to make you forget everything?

What has trust to do with knowing?

Why do I feel so empty inside...

 

 

 

What if it's all wrong?

Will my curiosity cost few happy memories

or will it bring understandable pain.

Can it change the flow of my whishes?

 

Never knowing what other person next to you

hides deep underneath the surface,

are you willing to take a chance

and risk everything for knowing nothing?

 

Changes happen every day,

one heart is broken every hour,

tears fall down every minute.

Will it be me next?

 

Cooping with past and sewing future,

all that is left today is

sadness, disappointment, anger

and more questions.

 

Waiting and waiting for everything

to fit to right place,

what do you do if it doesn't?

 

Do you break down,

do you try to be tough and strong

when inside you are screaming?

 

Do you need a shoulder to cry on,

cause I am here for you.

But I don't need anybody near me

when I'm breaking in my dark corner.

 

I can cope with it,

I can handle it,

I hope you are watching this

cause when I come out from it,

things are going to different.

 

 

 

Are you feeling so down

to not even having strength to come

to the only place, to only one group of people

where you don’t have to pretend?

 

Hints of next life comes even clearer,

now as I begin to understand

the sadness of the world.

 

Now as everything

begins to stink in my mind

as it desperately searches

for a reason to continue living.

 

Now as everything becomes dark

and only one true love stands on the light.

Osjecam se kao sljepac.

 

Ruke sto sa strane nepoznatog

drze me u vlastitom bezumlju.

 

Price pricane sa usana

prolaze pored mojih usiju,

ali samo pored.

 

Povjerenje koje djelim rasirenih ruku

vraca se bez podrske,

ali samo sa vlastite strane.

 

Cete misli koje kolaju svakim danom

postaju sve napornije za vlastiti neuspjeh.

 

Vidjeti, neraditi

i opet

vidjeti, gristi se.

 

Iz tjedna u tjedan,

mjeseca u mjesec;

samobrana pada u neslavnu bitku i ocean bjede.

 

Suho tijelo, izmozdenost,

ovo je samo za tvoje oci.

 

Cekanje i cekanje kada ce doci,

no istodobno znati da cuci negdje

u mracnom kutu.

 

Ceka na oslobodenje,

preporod, promjenu

i evoluciju.

 

Uz zvijezde sta su uvijek prozete po putu,

a budu nezamjecene u vlastitoj slavi i sjaju.

 

Premoc, glupost, filozofiranje,

koje babske rijeci kolaju tvojim mislima dok citas ovo?

 

U rjekama i slapovima tastine utopila se ceznja.

 

Sakata ceznja na trncima

sta svakim korakom kroci dublje u dubine.

 

I izgubi se.

I always keep talking of change,

then ralming on and on about dreams

or things I should do.

 

Self respect and dignity

keeps a low level in my mind.

 

Traps and promise of my own

keeps going off continuously.

 

I always keep wondering,

how can time pass by so quickly

and my things left undone?

 

Every day,

to myself,

I tell the truth that with every passing turn

fades more and more away.

 

Every day,

from the start,

I had a plan that crashed within a week.

 

It always ticks and ticks,

the clock in my head;

ticks that keep telling me

every second I go further away.

 

I tick back in uneven way

resting on the clouds.

 

I keep dreaming a dream

and yet I can clearly see and feel sorrow

that has home somewhere in my heart.

 

Tracks, traces, paths and roads

supply my soul

and my soul is now standing

on a very unsteady legs and walks a thin line.

 

All it wants is to crumble,

but a still strong will and hope

support it unconditionally.

 

It always will.

My heart broke that day

when you throw yourself of that bridge

and in to black sea underneath

to swallow your body.

 

My heart still arches for you touch

as I tried to follow you,

but a pair of hands stopped me.

 

They hugged me tightly

as I screamed you name over and over,

but all in vain.

 

I searched for an answer,

they all said bad luck and

something about rape and

unhealed wounds.

 

Your best friend followed me everywhere,

 keeping an eye on me.

 

Now, I’m trying  

to escape from his hands of

comfort and secure and

come to yours of pain but also love.

 

Tears never stopped running,

my eyes are all swollen and

I barely see

but he still holds me.

 

If I close my eyes,

there is nothing but

your lifeless body in the sea of black blood.

 

Again, he in there beside me,

holding me in my sleep,

never leaving me alone to

come to your side.

 

I know you'll be waiting for me,

and hope you are happy there.

 

I will be there soon,

but he will never levee me.

 

And now,

I can't live without his hands around me.

Opet tonem u ponor.

Tko ce biti spasioc mojih zelja?

 

Upoznajem dubine i strasti samoubojstva,

ali to ne ucinim.

 

Tamni oblaci su postali moja stvarnost.

Zelje za srecom postale su samo uspomene.

 

Teze i teze postaju moje misli,

ali i time tanja veza sa davno zaboravljenom srecom.

 

Dok mi je ritam sve drazi,

 a bass sve dublji,

 on mi postaje jedina poveznica sa stvarnoscu.

 

Vristanje sa druge strane mojih slusalica

postaje nepodnosljivo privlacno.

 

Mrak sta se spusta nad mojom sudbinom

sprijateljio se sa praznocom sta me tisti.

 

Sok i nevjerica nikad nece naci put ka mom licu

jer je ono pre monotono

dok mi um jednostavno vise ne mari za osjecaje.

 

Sto tisuca zelja proslo je mojim zivotom,

no trenutno mi niti jedna ne podaruje tu utjehu.

 

Tisucu nezaboravljivih uspomena

mi pravi drustvo sad u ovom ponoru.

 

Sto bica je proslo mojim zivotom,

no niti jedan nije vise na ovom svijetu.

 

Deset ljubavi mi je darivalo srecu bez naplate,

a za samo jednu sam bila spremna umrijeti.

 

Na kraju, sve je mrtvo.

Your voice seem hostile to me

your arms seem full of scars

your eyes seem be the ones of guild

 

Now that your face is covered with dry tears

the tone of your skin getting darker, redder

your tree of emotions getting higher and unreachable

 

Those traces...

 

My mind has stopped,

yet my thoughts can't go any faster

violation of peace is what disturbs us now

 

Upon looking on the ground,

all I see is dirt

 

But while I,

then again look at your face...

you're gazing straight at me

for the first time in so long

 

Then I see it

our now suddenly clouded face

becomes filed with emotion I haven't seen yet

 

Truth is spoken within your eyes

but I still can't identify it

 

My eyes close

My mind fells heavy

 

Your arms surround me in embrace

preventing me from releasing my last breath

 

you whisper to my ear

 

Encouraging words are released

with breath slowly warming my earshels

while my soul in on the edge of disappearing

 

Your words bring me to live

yet another day

Grow up,

you are not a kid anymore.

Stop with requests and whining,

I can't hear it anymore.

 

You have entered to the world of grownups

so act like it.

 

Things you say,

things you do,

things you think about,

they are no longer acceptable.

 

Chose the world you will live in,

'cause you are no longer in protective nest.

Changes can be hard to proceed

if you aren't prepared.

 

You can run,

you can hide

but that way  you will not escape,

that, what will always await for you.

Weather you decide or not,

it is always there.

 

 

 

Roots are black,

I still remember when I felt pure.

I could fly the skies,

be free and nobody could touch me.

 

I still remember the time

I first discovered you,

my first fantasy with you,

my very first adoration,

obsession and

love for someone living on this earth

in this very time but still far away.

 

I keep having visions of your home

so far away from mine,

of your rhythm that calms and claims my heart,

of your body pleasuring mine.

 

I keep having dreams with my eyes open,

I'm living in my world

as I struggle to find path to yours.

Oh, how it's so easy to fall to depresion.

I'ts almoust unthinkable.

Almoust not real, how can some small things bring so much anger and hatred.

Some let it go through their body & soul.

Some just give their best to ignore it and act chill.

Some just can't forget 'bout all these and fals to –jama bez dna-

Heavy thought, heavy head, heavy will to survive

It becomes thin line between darkness and light

And that thin line represents grey.

Grey, my king of world.

It's biger than light and dark togeather.

It has both personality

And withing grey, there are many other shades of it.

Some that belong closer to light, some to dark, some are dependent.

And non of them are ever clear with whatever they do.

Everything has a meaning, even evil that creates darknes.

But then again, if you think...

Light isn't much better acctualy than dark.

Both have good and bad sides.

Sins and accomplishments.

And both have laws.

Sure, you can put trousers down on your knees and wait to be raped

Sure, you can not lie in your life by choice and wait to be saint

Sure, you can curse as much as you want and wait to be a gang leader

Sure, you can depend on salvation for every problem

Sure, everything is fine...

And you think now if anything of that is true.

If anything is failse, if anything can be done like it.

You can talk as much as you want and answer can never come.

Cose nobody can tell you anything.

Nobody can tell you something that is 100% true.

Nobody cares that much, and even of they do

It's your imagination.

Grey, world that we are in now.

World that can become good and cruel in matter of seconds.

World that we belong and that we can only speak to it.

To bring peoples thoughts to realise all of this.

There are few things that can do it.

I chose myn, I chose something that I love so much.

I chose something that brings my soul

To better expresion and understanding.

I know my place.

I know my dreams.

I know my goal

Do you know you'rs?

 

Kako je tesko gledat te sve sljepe primitivne umove...

Nedokazanost i primitizam

Boli me u dusi kad vidim te zarobljene umove

Proslost koja je prejaka da je sadasnjost obori u vecini

Svaka nepravilnost, svako odstupanje, svaka veca razlicitost

Sve se odmah gleda kao ludost, kao grijeh, kao zlo

Pa sto smo to ucinili da nas tako gledaju?

Mi, kao srne u coporu vukova

Zasto je laz i izvlacenje postala glavna faca umova?

Hoce li jos uvijek misliti tako nedokazano ako im ubijemo majku?

Hoce li se promjeniti ako im mirno objasnimo i pokazemo cinjenice?

Ne... nista njih nemoze izvuci iz gnoja u kojem su se rodili

Nista ih nece spasiti iz jarka punog crnih udovica

Nista se nece promjeniti sve dok ne dode nov narastaj

U buducnosti lezi buducnost naseg svijeta, nase rase

Ili se jednostavno trebamo preseliti u izvoriste?

Dubina pakla ih nece spasiti od sebicnosti i slaboumosti

Madagaskar izgubljenih dusa ih nece pomilovati

Kakav je to svijet nastao?

Koje se jos sve zrtve trebaju predati da bi ga pomakli?

Zivjeti u bezumlju i ratovati za vlastitu slobodu?

Ili zrtvovati jos dobrih dusa i prilika za vlastiti raj?

Molim te, reci mi istinu...

Molim te, odgovori na moju adresu u bezumlju

I sada se bojim

Da su to samo puste rijeci

Samo pusti snovi koji se nece ostvariti

Hvata me panika

Nezelim da to zavrsi

Kao neke lude neostvarive zelje

Nezelim zavrsiti kao pusti covijek

Koji se bori za obicne stvari u svakodnevnom zivotu

Nezelim zavrsiti kao ONI!

Rijeke mojih emocija

Teku prema jednom mjestu

Prema jednoj skupini ljudi

Prema stvarnosti koja postoji negdje daleko

A ja ne zelim zavrsiti kao ONI…

Light blue, creamy white river

crosses and expands through out whole land.

 

Bronze trees with white levees,

light green white grass covers all.

 

Further to the distant vision goes,

closer to the sounds of steal hitting steal.

 

Whispers are followed from one white fog to another.

 

We are going to war,

we are going to war,

we are going to war.

Angels are going to war.

 

Grey white eyes searches through fogs,

stand on it way,

white light you see before your eyes

your hart is no longer betting one.

 

Serious faces everywhere,

not one single smile is given,

not one single warm touch is given,

not one single word among warriors is spoken.

 

White world that is,

with single read dot in everyone’s eyes.

 

Read,

 the symbol of duty,

determination,

soon to be slaughter.

 

White robes,

silver weapons

only grey hear in effortless peace

and inner calmness.

 

Long waiting has come to an end,

to long, to long...

 

Nothing can stand in its way now.

No voice,

throat with no voice.

 

Summoning of light black,

whispers to heavier dark,

priers to god Dark

and darkness that surrounds it.

 

Tricks and spices

left in the back corner of mind.

 

Black daemons that are satisfied with the prierer,

give only one thing.

 

Wind is rising,

pieces of wall floating around,

air ripping cloth of the prierer.

 

Arching,

squirming,

still considering begging or not.

 

Read liquid tapping down the done body,

down there hole no longer exists from brutality.

 

Head no longer stands on now lone neck,

all 'cause black daemons do it hard.

 

Now,

blackness walked down

from their part of hell to consume.

 

One thing they don’t realize,

only three halls back

read of hate,

madness,

anger takes control.

 

The down of two is anticipated,

the down of two is long awaited,

the down of two will never happen

 

'cause as much there is hell,

as that much there is exact opposite

that can’t keep looking and doing nothing.

Flashes of white world and black fog

coming before its opened eyes.

 

Past escaping further away from its memories,

only the most painful things rest in place.

 

Hands filled in blood of dead born,

eyes that can no more see snobs.

 

Ears that can no more cry,

mouth that can no more smell filth of dead.

 

An old mother long lost in done old days,

no feel between legs from born of unknown fathers.

 

A hope that dead found those ugly creatures,

a hope of castrating alive.

 

Black fog of torture, fear and death

covered now even those memories.

 

So it has come now,

eyes can no more kept open,

eyes can no more close for bigger daemons.

 

Fingers travel through face

in search for see tools.

 

Now it’s digging deep in to them

soon only empty holes are left.

 

Eyes crashed still lay in hand

while dampness only holds blood now.

 

In spite of the acct,

in spite of no pain,

in spite of inviting blood...

dark visions remain

daemons in black fog never closer.

Naked body,

lying in the corner.

 

A room with grey walls,

light on the edge of dying completely.

 

Unknown dark figure standing on ripped off doorway,

making no moves on dim air around it.

 

Alone plant in other corner of the room,

only kept alive from enough blood

and tears spilled at its direction.

 

Hateful smirk and half lilted eyes

on someone’s face in opposite room.

 

Its plant died long ago,

walls covered with scratches and half ripped skin.

 

Three same hallways away,

half scream is ripped from already broken and sore throat.

One pair of eyes is afraid to close,

fear of worst nightmare coming too strong to handle.

 

Third lips never stops moving  

never uttering single voice,

strong curses with dark magic

are begged to nonexistent sound.

 

The smell,

the music,

the fell of bladder and vomit

fought their way to skin like rear perfume.

 

Feelings,

thoughts, 

intentions

incredibly dark and brutal.

 

That is the world that can never come back to presentness.

Bold head of sickness,

Destroyer of life.

Torture is hiding

Right behind that next dark alley.

 

Fights for drops and pieces

In every shelter,

In every house,

In every store and salon.

 

Hospitals are full of people

That nobody wants to take care of.

So many are on the edge of suicide,

Others are already one foot in grave.

 

Is this where world has gone to?

Is this our future?

So it is true...

 

There is no hero in this world.

Everything we were told,

Everything that we were hoping for...

Everything was a lie.

Big, fat, ugly...

LIE. 

 

Is salvation hiding behind that door?

Is it behind that tree?

No wait,

Maybe beyond that bright light

And it is beginning to get on everyone’s nerves

They call it the Sun.

Big word for such a small thing.

 

Oh those three little words:

Winter is coming.

 

It is said that

Who survives it,

And sees his shadow at night

That he will have eternity lost in pleasure.

 

So my time will come after all.

*smiles*

Losing gravity

Its somewhere in the distant,

Forgotten place of my mind.

 

Blue shades and heavy air lying around

-To accustomed to choke

Touch of loneliness and old mistakes

-Floating memories can hurt too

Your mind is bag full of knives

-Reach to one

 

Scream as hard as you can

-Where nobody can hear

Cry out loud the sorrow that has taken place

-Where nobody listens

Hold out the knife in your hand

-Turn it towards your self

Feel, the unknown strength in your body

-Focus

 

Get out there,

Narrow your eyes

Search through the fog for the…

 

-Push it in quickly

 

Grab your heart and pull it out

The creatures of the night will find you

-Be quick

 

Gaze within yourself

See there is no strength left

-Only blood and wish to vanish

 

You will come to me

While I’m cracking

When my eyes are cut out

 And my soul is taken away

 

Now, no misery can be deep enough for us

Emitting blazes of fire

 My world is burning

 

Scratches and pieces of broken skin

Open my eyes to destruction

 

Blade filed with blood is in my hands

While my face is half in shadows

I'm waiting for my next enemy

 

Hiding among old buildings

I hear cries of pain and other hunters

 

Safety is never enough

Reliance is something beyond just locked doors

 

Trust only the one above your power

That hasn't killed you jet

Then he must have something deep waiting for you

 

Clouded yellow moon is beyond promise

Red sheets are waiting

For rare lust filed bodies

 

Once in a while

You have to let go of cruel reality

 

Another slaughter will come

And no destiny will change